Some may say “coming out” was easy ..im also sure for a lot it’s hard….. but when you hide things your whole life. showing that part of you is very hard. You think to yourself .”have some one else known this whole time’?. so many people will make small comments to me. I use to be a real tom boy and didn’t notice it myself. it was not so easy to express my feelings. your scared ..your scared what they may say .your scared of the questions they may asked. I am a mother of three boys so I don’t want that attention of hate and get my boys drag into anything so as much as I want to be more and show more I can’t. because i choose to have a family first . having kids pushed me back from coming out….but now …am i comfortable to be myself around my kids? do i explain to them what lgbt means.. should i make them aware to lgbt? all these thoughts run through my head…. I am BI sexual….i’m still excepting who I am.
The process is not easy. you want to be yourself. i know I can’t hid that from them. I don’t want to but I also don’t want to be the person to show them what girl to girl and boy to boy mean.
I remember the first girl I had a crush on. she was my manager at my job. people think because you are into something that you will automatically like some one . for me I have to feel that vibe . I have to know there is something already there. I want to feel like I can talk to you and you want to talk to me. so I don’t talk to many girls.
But this one girl. I could not stop looking at. I would walk by her and feel a vibe. which made me smile. she would talk to me and smile and have this very flirty smile. she was short. thick and had a boy swag. but ….. she was talking to a girl. so she was kinda off limits. but anytime she talk to me about them fighting I was try to show her I liked her.
I was my first time feeling so attracted to a female. I thought she was so cute. I am very picky about the girls. I can’t talk and get a vibe like I would to talk to a guy. for me I need to feel it there right away. because woman are not easy to fuck with. so I don’t want to waste my time.
but one day I will run into her and when I do I will take my time with her.
Private Thoughts 