Give up and…

Give up and…

You ever just want it all to stop? all the thoughts in ya head?… sometimes i just want to scream! scream and go in a corner. Go in a corner and cry and just let it all out. I don’t like that you made me feel like you did nothing wrong. you made me feel like what you did was normal and what i did was so wrong. i loved you. i was young and new to being a wife and mother.

I did my best to cook and clean for you. i stayed home and made sure our son was healthy and ok after 5 months in the hospital. i remember each time you would drink. it was like you were another person. the look in your eye each time you took a sip sometimes the entire bottle by your self. i would get upset because you wanted nothing from me. i wasn’t good enough too tend to you. you went to your mother for everything as if i wasn’t in the same house as you. you belittle me. made me feel bad about things with my body i was ok with before we moved together.

Eventually i got mad, i got tuff and i would fight back. to many times of you pulling my hair. to many time of you choking me up on the wall. to many times of you screaming so close to my face i would cry. I had no where else to go i had no family that would get me out at the time. i trusted no one. i was terrified of you. i watch you jump out the car and beat a man half to death just because he said “hey sexy.” i watch you drink and almost kill your self by driving and wrapping around a tree… i hated you but loved you for some reason i felt like i owed you for taking me from a bad situation.

once you cheated i planned my escape .everyone wanted me to stay in that home but no one understood what went on behind those doors. i sold it .. i left it all behind… scared to be out in the world but i had to run… and NOT LOOK BACK! sometimes i want to give up and die……. My kids is the only reason im still alive.

they need someone to love them and be here for them. I would never want to leave them.

so many fights but I still remain here. and so many things that tried to break me but I fight and I keep climbing.

I can’t hold in these things any more or they will forever drag me down.

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