At the age 12 I was introduced to my real father. my mom pulled me to the side and said the people you was around this whole time is not your blood family. “so and so is not your real dad”.. “so and so is your real dad. so get dress your going to meet him”! I was in shocked. scared..lost ..confused oh so confused. I was thinking to my self “so those are not my real brothers..my grandmother..my cousins. I was so upset but maybe this will explain why I’m so different from my siblings in my mom house.
My excitement to get to know this man was unreal. When I first began to go around him it was the best time ever. Once I moved we did so many family games. I was always around my brothers and sisters on his side . but when I moved in with him everything changed
. The way he treated me made me feel like he hated me. I could never understand why everything I did was wrong or not enough for him.he always told me that he was searching for me . I feel like he imagine me to be a certain way. but I was not. He wanted me to be like his other kids. he wanted me to fall in place but I was very head strong and did not like how he treated us.He would call me and my sisters names like ” Bitch” and “hoe” he would tell me I was nothing and would never become nothing. when I moved with him. I got let out of foster care because he was family. so he use to yell at me all the time ” he wished he let me rot in foster care” .
It hurt me because this was my father that I just met. a man I’m suppose to look up and guide me for the remaining years before adult hood. I was 15 when I moved in with him. I got kicked out when I was 19 and a couple months before I graduated. Why go through all that work and paper and test to get me moved in your home just to mentally abuse me. I want the father daddy love. But I hate this man from the core of my soul.. he put bad things on my name .. he posted wrongful information about me. He disclaim and kicked me out many times…so many nights I cryed. So many nights I tryed to run from him. I’m not disrespectful.. I’m not loud.. why do you hate me so much dad!?
he treated me so bad I got anxiety. I would have panic attacks all the time during high school. I fear going home I wanted to be anywhere but there. he did drugs and a lot of things he claim he don’t remember. but I never forget. I was force todo sexual acts another man at a young age. and my father don’t know that happen and he knows who the man is . but I know my dad would not believe me he would not speak up for me or anything close to my side. he don’t know how to.
I don’t really have parents. close to me. I try to let it go but I think its something that you never really get over. many people are stuck in a child like mind because they didn’t have a great childhood. so they do these things as adults. I know many of my relationships went bad because of my daddy issues. I can’t let you keep destroying me.
Private Thoughts 