My life has been a crap show honestly. I been through things I would have never thought I would have had to experience. So much pain I carry because I never confronted people. Or I never told anyone what I was really dealing with.You never want people to call you different. you don’t want people to pick on you. yes many many people in the world fight to have rights and be themselves but what does it cause …your not really free if your not accepted and people are always bothering you. So to me I never wanted to say hey im like girls but god only know the trouble that would bring me. I never told people I was force to touch a grown man penis when I was a teenager but then i’m the liar i’m the girl who ask for it i’m the girl who is now looked at different. The pain you carry in you really weigh you down. This year 2021 i’m learning to let go a lot of hurt and toxic people I chose to be around who just make my life worse. I’m letting go. who cares that they are family. I mean honestly why are we supposed to let our parents… our sisters and brothers destroy us little by little just because they are family? MOST OF MY TROUBLE ARE FROM FAMILY! I have a huge family four different sides. with all of them I speak to four to five who have not harmed me . I have bad anxiety. so I been told to let go of the pain and the toxic individuals in my life.
This has been the hardest part for me because with my anxiety I fear being alone. this is my first time living on my own and having no family to go to or come over. I feel very much alone. yes its me and my kids and my current boyfriend. but I still feel alone. I feel alone knowing I have no close family I feel alone knowing I have no emergency contact because no one really gives a fuck about me enough to answer the phone and help me……
I don’t think its worth having them in my life if they are only hurting me. I want to be happy and I want to have no pain. I want to drive freely and not worry about which one ill run into and what will happen once we see each other…… I don’t want any of this on my head… SO I BREATHE…..IN….OUT….IN…OUT…I BREATHE…AND I LET GO…I BREATH…AND I BLOCK…I BREATHE…AND I DELETE…I BREATHE…AND I SEE HOPE…I BREATHE…AND I SEE FAITH…I BREATHE…AND I SEE ME SMILING BACK AT ME.
Private Thoughts 