I don’t choose to fail..

I don’t choose to fail. although I know a lot of people may be wishing bad on me. I keep in my head that I want to help someone. I carry my pain of my family with me everyday. I carry the abuse ..everyday… I look back at how hard it was for me to speak up… how certain people gave me so much anxiety when I walk around them because things happened…it took me years to be able to acknowledge outloud to myself and accept what happen to me. for people to make you feel so disgusted about yourself. for others to put you down so low you forget who you are. to be afraid to say he made me touch him…. to let someone scare me so much by abuse I cry every night in the bathroom praying to god to help me find a way from there.

I use my voice today to say

I HAVE BEEN ABUSE

I HAVE BEEN MOLESTED

I HAVE BE DEGRADED

FIGHTEN…SCARED..LOST..HURT..ANGERY..

I HAVE BEEN SUICIDAL

I acknowledge the things that go on in my head daily. the things that bring fear in me to grow in my life. I choose to not fail. I choose to tell my stories to give others hope. and courage. I know its hard as hell to leave places when you think there is no where else to go. we stay stuck because they may be all you know or thought you could be safe with!…for a person to not acknowledge what they did to you is the worse feeling in the world…. to know this person done these things to you repeatedly and they act as if it was nothing… or it never happen.. or as if your crazy and they don’t understand why your scared….

I thought for a long time I was losing my mind…. I was kept in that space for so long because I did think at some point it was ok.. maybe normal..maybe it goes like this.

not knowing what the right way is you stay stuck…. then come google and tv … I began to ask questions…read about somethings that happened to me… understand other in the world have face my same pain…which led to me ask for help… to get out….of course in those situations who believe you right.. but don’t think hard. plan a way… and just go! choose not to die..choose not to fail.


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