I hate it. I hate every time you do many things to try to destroy me you dont ever say sorry for anything.
My father is a narcissist and gaslighting narcissist. he is the type of person who like to try to guide you to do thing he want you to do . doesn’t matter if it hurts you or affects you in someway. he do thing to benefit him and him only. I have many many stories I can tell but we will be here all day. but recently we have seen one another in public after about 8 to 9 months. in the beginning of that time he came at me nasty. very hurtful words and just attacked my child as well. I dont forgive him. I hold a big ball of rage in my heart for this man.
within those 8 to 9 months not speaking to him he has texted me three times. once and it got to me and I replied back angry just like he wanted. he like to get you pissed and fight with you. the second time I calmly acknowledge the information he sent me was not me . which was a song. I think he was drunk one night and was playing some of our music and he likes to say I made music for a specific person. so he sent a song to me to try to bash me once again but the song was not mine it was my sisters…. so tell me does it still rule out the same shit u was talking even tho it wasn’t me !
The third time he randomly text me was after the family went to Orlando on a somewhat gathering and they claim to had invited me but no one has reached out and asked me . but anyways after they were done with the trip he text me ” Are you done being on your high horse? I got work need to be done. you only speak to certain people in the family”…. now this text really bother me but I didnt reply. because what the hell does that mean? how is it after not seeing your child for months and talking so much shit your way of trying to make me come back around is …. “I have work to be done”!!! like am I suppose to jump and go do as you say because of what? you are just bother that I speak to my siblings. because one of the last things he said to me was if he see me at a family gathering that he was going to slap the shit out of me…. so here I am at this point where I am going to a family gathering….
my sister from New York has come to town. she drove down to say hi see the kids. she wanted to meet at the beach. so I figured it out after many hours of determining whether or not I was going to go knowing that my sister may be there and my father will be there. But I just need to go to show them both that they don’t scare me I am allowed to speak and see those who choose to speak and see me .
so once I arrive … again he tried to pretend nothing happened…. he yells at me “hey ugly” which is something he always did…. I ignored him… he said outloud speaking towards me… you dont love me no more ?…. by the way he is super drunk. I can smell the 8 bottles he had as he talk to me from a distance…
I always gave into my parents because im not a disrespectful child … but I can get pushed there. and when he asks i didnt reply to him and I immediately felt bad and shamed that I made him feel something in that moment … but YOU DONT GET TO HURT ME AND PRETENT ITS OK…. its not fair that you shamed me and hurt me. its not ok that you made me your enemy. I gave in and tried to let go many times. but a person can only take so much…I lost a sister and a father last year… although they are very much alive I refuse to be in they circle for them to use as a punching bag…
good morning and happy Sunday……
Private Thoughts 