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What is sad is I’m 31 years old . And my whole life I truly didn’t like myself. I didn’t understand why I looked a certain way. Things on my body truly bother me. I would hide myself somewhat. I didn’t know I had anxiety I never payed attention to why I felt uncomfortable around people or in crowds.i always felt like I didn’t belong where ever I was. I never felt wanted where ever I was.
So at the age 29 late 29 going on 30 during Covid I had lost my boyfriend he moved out and it was just me . Me and my kids . Me with all the decisions and thoughts on what to do and how to go about things.
I learned to be my true self. I learned to accept me for me. I learn to embrace my body accept my looks and put my self out there. While going through that process I finally felt those weird feelings for females means I’m gay. I also like boys so I’m bisexual. I said fuck it and started a dating online site. I got many conversations from women and many compliments . Which open me up more to be ok with what I was feeling.
I learned a lot of things I do in life on a daily basis to help other people or make people happy .i put my self in situations that was uncomfortable for me and had to learn to listen to myself. If it’s not something I want to do I need to say no. I need to not feel pressured to do these things.
I learned to not be around people who hurt me and my energy. Keep those away from me who are not truly on my side. Family friends people in general . If the energy is bad it for a reason and we don’t connect therefor I retreat and keep from you.
Blogging really helped me let go of things that held me down. Getting many painful feelings out here instead of giving the energy to those who do deserve it. I’m not a nasty person. I don’t wish pain on anyone. I truly love all and would help any if needed but when I’m treated bad I’m done.i protect mine.
And because I accept myself… it don’t allow anyone to hurt me because I got love full love for myself. I know I’m pretty kind and Awsome!
Have you ever told someone close to you some of your deepest secrets? Did you trust that person that you told those stories to? most of us do right? it will be a friend..or family member. that you gain that trust and feel like ok now I can finally let some of this shit out to someone. you carrie things in your head on your shoulder for so long right then to let it out to someone feels so great! and you think now you have a person that you can talk to how great does that feel right?
then you go hang out with other friends and other family members and someone blur out what you told that special person. either that laugh at you..look at you crazy…whisper or ever talk shit and yell it back at you !
WHAT GOES ON IN YOUR HEAD WHEN INFORMATION ABOUT YOU GET OUT! YOUR HELLA PISS YOUR LIKE WHY DID THEY TELL THIS OR THAT PERSON! HOW THE HELL DID THEY TELL SOMEONE ELSE AND NOT GIVE ME THE CHANCE TO TELL THEM?
WHAT YOU ARE DOING WHEN YOU TELL YOUR SECRETS AND THOUGH TO PEOPLE IS GIVING THEM Ammunition BuLLETS FOR THEM TO USE AGAINST YOU. YOU MAY TELL SOMEONE SOMETHING THAT HURTS YOU BUT THAT PERSON THINK ITS A JOKE AND TELL OTHERS YOUR PAIN TO MAKE FUN OF YOU….
I LEARN TO NOT DO THAT NO MORE. IM NOT EXPRESSING WHY ANYTHING OR EVEN LETTING YOU IN MY BRAIN. IM NOT TELLING YOU ABOUT MY RELATION..STRESS..ANXIETY..GOOD TIME BAD TIME NOTHING NO MORE. FOR ME TO TELL AND HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH SOMONE AND THOSE SAME WORDS COME OUT SOMEONE ELSE MOUTH THAT I DON’T TALK TO LIKE THAT FUCKED ME ALL UP! …. IM JUST LIKE I DON’T GET IT?… WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT…
I KNOW WHY.. BECAUSE YOUR NOT ON MY SIDE… YOU NOT TEAM SKYE YOU AGAINST ME . YOUR IN COMPETITION WITH ME . YOU WANT TO CAUSE ME PAIN. SO I SAY FUCK ALL THAT AND CUT THEM OFF. NO NEED TO EXPLAIN WHY U DID IT NO NEED TO GO THROUGH THE I DID’NT SAY OR DO IT…IM JUST DONE.
Don’t give people your close thoughts and share your pain with people. really know and trust who u let in your circle. we be happy to have people around us we dont think right. but when your mental health is on the line you have to only think about you and what you want! fuck how they feel or if they need to talk.
Who knew starting a business would be some what hard…. Not because I can’t do what is needed for the business but because I can’t sell as fast as I like!!!
I mean really how do u get people interested into buy candles!!!
I started at home because I am a single mother of three. I love my boys dearly and want to start something of my own that I can pass to them one day.
I see now in todays world you can be your self and show your passion for what you like. People are making clothes shoes bags toys candles everything you name it!
And I think it’s so great now that normal people with normal jobs are able to create and put there passion out into the world!
So I found Etsy and looked into and thought to make a shop and put my candles on there. It’s not a a full website but it’s a shop for people to see and buy what I create. But getting the audience to stop and purchase is hard. They view they view and the keep going… so you ask your self how can you make it better so people will purchase a candle.
My thought is to make and sell other products that goes with the candle. So I am making resin candle holders. And other things .
I found resin to be really fun and to be able to create something that stay solid and shines with color is very cool.
So who knew …it would be a challenge with trying to get more people to stop and adore and buy
Non-binary[a] or genderqueer is an umbrella term for gender identities that are not solely male or female—identities that are outside the gender binary.Non-binary identities fall under the transgender umbrella, since non-binary people typically identify with a genderthat is different from their assigned sex, though some non-binary individuals do not consider themselves transgender.
In 1776, the Public Universal Friendidentified as a genderless evangelist, and afterward shunned both birth name and gendered pronouns, an early instance of an American publicly identifying as not binary.
In 1781, Jens Andersson of Norway, assigned female at birth but identifying as male, was imprisoned and put on trial after getting married to Anne Kristine Mortensdotter in a Lutheran church. When asked about his gender, the response was “Hand troer at kunde henhøre til begge Deele” (“He believes he belongs to both”).
In 2012, the Intersex & Genderqueer Recognition Project was started to advocate for expanding gender options on official documentation. In 2016, James Shupe was the first person to have a non-binary gender on official documents in the United States.
In 2015, legislator Estefan Cortes-Vargascame out as non-binary in the Legislative Assembly of Alberta during a debate over the inclusion of transgender rights in the provincial human rights code.
Better days are coming. I look forward to better days to come. I look into my future for good energy.
I am learning my self daily. being alone from people with bad vibes really do keep my head clear. I choose to keep my surrounding very small. but I don’t want to lose myself.
its so easy to lose yourself as you’r trying to find yourself.
good morning better days.
eat healthy and work out
good morning better days
smile bigger and think positive
good morning better days
no pain..no hurt..clear thoughts.
I honestly feel like people think you really have to do what they want you to do. So why do you feel like because you think you deserve a conversation that I have to give you that conversation why do you feel that because you want to get things off your chest that I have to do the same.
I am entitled to say no if I choose not to want ruin my energy that I have worked hard for I choose to say no.I know that the conversation will go nowhere. I truly know that anything that I bring up that will allow me to let you know what bothers me you were later on in life use it against me. Why should I give you bullet to my gun??
I don’t want to talk to you I just tell you I don’t want to talk to you I don’t want to be friends with you I don’t want to be around you I don’t want anything else to do with you why am I not entitled to feel that way why do you feel like you have to make me want to be around you because you feel as though I have to.
When I’m done with a person when I truly get feelings in my heart of hatred for a person I have to step back I will try to get out of a relationship I will take myself and remove myself for being around that certain person because I don’t want to hurt that person although they hurt me and caused me to not want to be around them no longer
I choose to move on I choose to live with what happened understand why it happened what it meant when I have it I like to sit and think and go on and on in my head all the possible ways that this relationship can go if I do this or do this or do this
If I feel like even if we had a conversation it was still fail ..because of all of the things that I had held and will finally come out there will be no saving the relationship you’re not going to like me after I know this so I choose a hold that. You Don’t get hurt and go about your way I go about mine
Don’t make me feel like I need to talk to you
A lot of times I want to help people. I feel the need to connect to those who have been through the same as me. To let people know that someone else understands ya know. I would love to be a counselor for teenage girls to help them when he been sexually molested or raped or beaten up by a boyfriend. I just think one small person can’t make a big difference but we can start somewhere.
I have my blog where I tel my stories. And I have my candle collection where I use some of my candles to make awareness to some things in the world also self love quotes.
Life Gives very discouraging when you think people are judging you for trying to be a good person people are looking at you in a different way and wondering why you were trying to help these people people tell me that I’m an open book and sometimes I don’t need to be people tell me I should keep my stories to myself.
But how would I heal if I stay quiet. How can I help if I stay quiet.
Let’s help make a difference let each other know we are here. Don’t be afraid to say Me to.stand up for what I been through. Maybe we can stop a few people from getting hurt!
I hate it. I hate every time you do many things to try to destroy me you dont ever say sorry for anything.
My father is a narcissist and gaslighting narcissist. he is the type of person who like to try to guide you to do thing he want you to do . doesn’t matter if it hurts you or affects you in someway. he do thing to benefit him and him only. I have many many stories I can tell but we will be here all day. but recently we have seen one another in public after about 8 to 9 months. in the beginning of that time he came at me nasty. very hurtful words and just attacked my child as well. I dont forgive him. I hold a big ball of rage in my heart for this man.
within those 8 to 9 months not speaking to him he has texted me three times. once and it got to me and I replied back angry just like he wanted. he like to get you pissed and fight with you. the second time I calmly acknowledge the information he sent me was not me . which was a song. I think he was drunk one night and was playing some of our music and he likes to say I made music for a specific person. so he sent a song to me to try to bash me once again but the song was not mine it was my sisters…. so tell me does it still rule out the same shit u was talking even tho it wasn’t me !
The third time he randomly text me was after the family went to Orlando on a somewhat gathering and they claim to had invited me but no one has reached out and asked me . but anyways after they were done with the trip he text me ” Are you done being on your high horse? I got work need to be done. you only speak to certain people in the family”…. now this text really bother me but I didnt reply. because what the hell does that mean? how is it after not seeing your child for months and talking so much shit your way of trying to make me come back around is …. “I have work to be done”!!! like am I suppose to jump and go do as you say because of what? you are just bother that I speak to my siblings. because one of the last things he said to me was if he see me at a family gathering that he was going to slap the shit out of me…. so here I am at this point where I am going to a family gathering….
my sister from New York has come to town. she drove down to say hi see the kids. she wanted to meet at the beach. so I figured it out after many hours of determining whether or not I was going to go knowing that my sister may be there and my father will be there. But I just need to go to show them both that they don’t scare me I am allowed to speak and see those who choose to speak and see me .
so once I arrive … again he tried to pretend nothing happened…. he yells at me “hey ugly” which is something he always did…. I ignored him… he said outloud speaking towards me… you dont love me no more ?…. by the way he is super drunk. I can smell the 8 bottles he had as he talk to me from a distance…
I always gave into my parents because im not a disrespectful child … but I can get pushed there. and when he asks i didnt reply to him and I immediately felt bad and shamed that I made him feel something in that moment … but YOU DONT GET TO HURT ME AND PRETENT ITS OK…. its not fair that you shamed me and hurt me. its not ok that you made me your enemy. I gave in and tried to let go many times. but a person can only take so much…I lost a sister and a father last year… although they are very much alive I refuse to be in they circle for them to use as a punching bag…
good morning and happy Sunday……
Did you know that, 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys is a victim of child sexual abuse. A quarter of male victims of sexual assault were under 10 years of age. Rape Statistics show that less than 20% of rapes are reported. Women and men with disabilities face twice the risk of […]I’m sorry the church hurt you. — Vashti Sarah
Good morning! April is sexual assault awareness month!
Shop at Etsy.com/shop/privatethoughtsccs.com
Getting my business started and going is a whole ordeal!. I started in march .I am still learning new things often but I learned to make candle! candles are pretty fun to make to see the colors flow and to be able to put your creative ideals into somthing is pretty cool!
now I have to sell them! how to sell them? what is a way to sell at least 1 candle a day? what is a good way to get my candles out there so people know I am a choice to buy candles from?
I know staying on top of what I am doing is definitely a thing I need to do. But I don’t wanna wait till you can sit there for months and months. I have all platforms on social media like TikTok Instagram Facebook or even my blog site here! so now I have to push push push to get them notice. its harder when you home and making something you really have to walk around with the item all day and say HEY I MAKE CANDLE! DO YOU LIKE CANDLE BUY MY CANDLES….hey that’s not a bad ideal… I can set up a table and see how many I can sell posted up somewhere….. being ready to do that is something I have to mentally prepare myself with . for me its hard to just do something without mentally being prepared.
so here I am daily on my blog to tell you guys HEY I MAKE PRETTY CANDLE WITH DIFFRENT SCENTS! CHECK OUT MY SHOP @ ETSY.COM/SHOP/PRIVATETHOUGHTSCCS
People don’t understand how rumors work they don’t understand when You lie about a person and tell someone else that that person’s gonna tell someone else and that person is going to tell someone else and it is a lingering rumor for years.
Some people truly cannot get away from the rumor some people can truly not get over it and people will probably still to this day walk up to you and tell you that they heard this about you and is it true even if it was 10 years ago.￼
Celebrities get rumors made about them all the time so sometimes I think maybe I’m a celebrity maybe people just really wanna fuck with me and try to destroy me because obviously they are on a roll .with really trying to make this one rumor stand out so people don’t fuck with me.
The worst part of having a rumor spread about you is having a rumor spread about you from your own family member from your own blood bitch from your own father who does that.
For years I have been trying to overcome something that has been the worst year of my life I have been trying to really move on from it I’gined my anxiety from it I started depression and wanted to really kill myself at one point and not being around certain people that I know who might know because of this rumor and yet years later it comes up once again and yet years later he comes up with a different piece like what is wrong with these people.
The sad thing is I tried to confront this rumor and I try to go to the person who made the rumor and tell them what happened and what didn’t happen my father refuse to let that be a fact he refused to let it be truth because if it’s true and that makes him look bad as a bad parent so he tries in every way to make me look like I’ve done something horribly wrong and he did what he had to do ..this shit is bullshit.!
More than 10 years later another sibling of mine is reminding me of a story that my father has told her and never once has she brought it up to me until now and question on weather or not it was true and this is what he had told her. it makes me sad to know that although I am doing good in my life and I have actually spoken to the person that the rumor is with and try to get over the situation.. it was brought up once again.
Stressful Monday morning when I think about something and it bothers me I think about it for days for weeks it’s hard for me to let go of things and for me this was a huge thing for me it was like the story of me going into adulthood like I started off my path stupid with bullshit About things that are not true!
PRIVATE THOUGHTS CANDLE COLLECTIONS !!
HELP SUPPORT MY SMALL Business ! I STARTED A CANDLE COLLECTION! I have many different kinds made with soy wax and paraffin wax! bubble candles in many different colors! shop with me @ Etsy.com/shop/privatethoughtsccs
boy oh boy do I need this! haha what life would be like if I can get all the assholes in one place and actually speak the truth about things. it is so many unsaid things floating around this family is unreal. and it make me think am I the only one who hear and see what I see or every one hearing and seeing the same thing but know one speaks of it….. the way I get about my family a person will say that is literally the only thing that she talk about. so sad they are the only people who hurt me. and god forbid anyone tells anyone unsaid thoughts or god forbid we all be in the same area to compare stories.
one thing I learned about my father is..he dont like for us not to be close …me and my siblings… I never understood why until we actually got the balls and started to talk about him. come find out he tell one person one story and the other child another. now them two have bad crazy thoughts about each other and dont even want to be around each other…he gets them all to his self to tell all the lies to.
I think its so fucked up!…..one sibling come to me saying yeah dad told me this about u but I never wanted to ask… wtf… complete lies and bullshit is what keeps us from getting to know one another .. its so sad. I carry so much …and im glad I have someone to speak about it all to. it helps me slowly heal and not have so much anger . I talk about it so much because it truly pisses me off and hurts at the same time. to know all u did was truly try to fit into a family u were literally just thrown into. I tried to make them see me..didnt work..hear me listen ..didnt work. I feel like im not important.. that all that i feel is not real to these people. I told my dad I have anxiety… the man said its bullshit ..its something I made up to get attention!!! I mean … its so sad… its not in his bone to hear me… he won’t believe anything I say until the day he die and when he do… I will visit his grave and tell all my truth. and then he can’t tell me its not real or didnt happen!.but the funny thing is when someone else say it… as my sister is saying now…I bet he know its real now… you know what bothers me … all my sibling just listen to the shit that come out his mouth …I dont think no one ever defends me. tell him I didnt do something. or maybe she do dad..or let her be…type shit… to me it seems like they all Justen listen and take in the information and try to figure out if its true or not…. shit crazy…smh
SICK of hurt
sick of pain
sick of failure
sick of lost time
I went a great amount of time in my life trying to avoid people who are kin to me because I know the things that was said about me to the world… but after 10 years I have nothing to hide… im not the evil person people think they know. ask me why and ill let you know… dont judge me if you dont know me
MY SMALL CANDLE COLLECTION BY PRIVATE THOUGHTS! DONT FORGET TO STOP BY AND ORDER A CANDLE. MY CANDLES ARE MADE WITH SOY AND PARAFFIN WAX. I HAVE MANY IN DIFFRENT COLORS.